My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
