guys are only as good as the porn they watch
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
