Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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