My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
