How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
