Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
