i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
