come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
