would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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