i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
