I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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