I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
