Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
