DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
