My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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