are you still at the devil's house?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
