you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need a burrito and a hug.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
