im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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