i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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