She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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