Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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