captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
