I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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