i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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