you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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