Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
