ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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