Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
His nipple licking is glorious
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