At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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