ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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