kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my shit smells like andre
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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