please come you make the beer taste better
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
