She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
