the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
