at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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