I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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