It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
