the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
