Welp...herpes.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
