I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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