I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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