HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
