What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
