Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize