so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
