goodnight i made you a song goodbye
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
