So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
