I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
