Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
