Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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