there's paper in my vomit.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
