At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
