is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
