i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
