I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
