haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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