His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My ass is underappreciated
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
