Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
