I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize