I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
