The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
