My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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