AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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