you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
