my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
