Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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