Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
