it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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