my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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